


Eclipsed In Gray

by MatchaMochi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Feels, I just have so many feelings bout this boi, Introspection, Multi, sugacentric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 19:45:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12589208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatchaMochi/pseuds/MatchaMochi
Summary: There’s a corner where you’d sit with him, right at the edge. Where you and he could imagine the sky was just a fingertip away, where he’d say sometimes he wished he has wings. That he’d fly.





	Eclipsed In Gray

_“Who the heck really thinks a song like this can fill your oozing, corroded scars…. I want to hold you close, I want to scream for you, of your scars, your pain, everything.”_

__– ‘I want to be your god’ [Kanzaki Iori]_ _

 

You regret not bringing your scarf along the moment you stepped out of the corridor into the rooftop outside. Winter’s cold winds has no time for teenagers who has no sense of the current weather. It bites at your cheeks, makes it red and makes you shiver.

It does not matter, you plough through the snow anyway.

It’s breaktime but even the naughtier students have the sensibility to not go out of the rooftop this time of year. You breathe in. Breathe out. Puffs of heated floats out, your nose is red and so are your fingers. At the corner, a stray volleyball rolls to the side. Hmph, it looks like they had forgotten to take it back the last time they were here.

It’s a natural thing to pick it up with your hands. Blue and yellow, you stare at it awhile before throwing it in the air and shaping your hands into a familiar fist. __Thump! Thump!__  Again, and again you hit the ball as it goes up and down. __Thump! Thump!__  It’s quite familiar that sound. Ah, now you remember, you’ve always felt it in your heart every time he meets you here.

‘ _ _Sugawara-senpai-‘__

‘ _ _Koushi.’__

A gentle smile, a lilting voice.

__‘Call me Koushi.’_ _

The ball lands on the wet, snowy ground and it rolls away. You rub your hands together and wonders if he ever hears the beating in his heart too.

-

It’s in Nagamushi Junior High that you first meet him, not surprisingly, he was just as dedicated in volleyball then as he was now. He’s taller than you but average for his other friends, a slender build with slightly thick eyebrows and hazel-brown eyes. You find yourself quickly charmed by the birthmark under his left eye.

Naturally, Daichi was also beside him then, you rarely could find one without the other. Daichi was tall, taller than Sugawara-senpai, with confident eyes, a deep voice and a good chin. He’s good looking, you can count one or two admirers lining up at every lunch time to talk to him.

But you still find yourself drawn to grey hair and kind eyes. You do not know why.

‘ _ _I had a senpai who got called “Suga-san”. I really liked the way that sounds you know? Could I call you Suga-san too?’__

The smile you receive is predictable, the way he squints his eyes shut more so. Now, you know it’s to hide how some of his smiles does not quite reach his eyes.

‘ _ _Of course.’__

You do not fall for him then, and the next time you meet you do not call him ‘Suga-san’ anymore.

-

First year in and you bump into him under the cherry trees of spring.

‘ _ _Suga….wara-senpai?’__  

He’s not __actually__  your senpai but he’d always seemed mature enough to be older than you. Daichi trails beside him in tow, smiling at you too. You exchange pleasantries and as you enter class the image of a truly honest smile is etched in your mind.

That day itself you intend to join the school’s volleyball team and hopes that you could see the tell-tale view of grey hair bouncing among the bustling movement of the court.

(You do, and it’s exhilarating. The shine in his eyes, his steady movements. He’s happy to be here, __wants__ to be here. You hope that does not change.)

-

Perhaps It’s time to go back here. To the present.

There’s a corner where you’d sit with him, right at the edge. Where you and he could imagine the sky was just a fingertip away, where he’d say sometimes he wished he has wings. That he’d fly.

‘ _ _They’ll be grey’__ , he tells you. By then, you could read him quite well so maybe that was how you remember Asahi, __Ace__  for the team. You know how he looks at Asahi. You imagine, him, with his soothing, gentle, demeanour, looking down with dulled eyes. ‘ _ _I wish I could fly like him too….’__

‘ _ _And big,’__  you’d add. He’ll look at you in surprise and you’ll look back with surety, ‘ _ _large, grey, feathers. Covering the sun.’__  He’ll laugh at you for that. Sugawara Koushi is kind, dedicated, perceptive, and sometimes, also mischievous. A side line character of a source of inspiration, he’ll never truly __fly.__  

You ache for him. It’s not fair, how he thinks of himself like that so.

-

By the end of second year, he nearly breaks.

But way before that, you find yourself acquainted with the Karasuno’s volleyball team. If only the ones near Sugawara-senpai. Tanaka as someone you’d gotten used to after expecting the unexpected at every turn. He is __loud__  and rowdy. You smile and laugh along with him though, especially after he gets a smack from Sugawara-senpai whenever he does something wildly inappropriate.

Asahi is someone you met when the midday sun had hit him at just the right angle for you to wonder if Jesus had somehow made a visit to Karasuno, (though after, you see him at night and revaluate your stance on his appearance. Asahi can __certainly__  join to help them for Halloween someday.)

Daichi is somewhat closer to you than the rest if only because he’s closer to Sugawara-senpai than the rest. And you could also see, how the set of his face and the way his eyes turn into a steely determination at times that he’d be a very good captain indeed. Sugawara-senpai never hides from Daichi, sometimes though, you’d see Daichi talking to the couch and those hazel brown eyes would shift away slightly. Just slightly, to the side.

Then, he meets you at breaktime. On the rooftop.

__“My weapon is dependability.”_ _

You have a spare volleyball from home you bring up with and just as you bring your lunchbox upstairs he smiles politely and asks if he could pass the ball after eating lunch with you.

__“A setter’s job is to play close attention on how the other team play, so that they are able to change strategies according to the attacks laid out. I give advice to our teammates. On what I think is the best way to beat the opponent. It’s better, sometimes, if I’m at the side lines. I can watch the other team well, figure out what their weakness is. I get stressed quickly too though, and start to overthink things quite a lot.”_ _

These are things he tells you after both of you are tired of throwing balls in the air. He’d always has his hands tucked neatly on his lap. Someday, you wish you can place yours on it too.

“ _ _Dependability. I am who other relies on if they want to talk. I am who other relies on to do what is needed. I am always here, to listen, to give advice. I…am here. To smile, to support my teammates.”__

You notice, he’s not looking at the sky as he says this, as he often does. He has his head bowed down, hands squeezed tightly. The smile he plasters on makes his kind face look cruel.

Sugawara….no __Koushi__ , feels tired sometimes too.

You can feel your heart beat wildly when you reach out with trembling hands and places it on his. It’s cold so you stroke your thumb on his pale skin. You look down too and say,

“And who do __you__  rely on?”

Koushi doesn’t answer you, and when it rains, he hides his tears with a smile and the darkening grey skies.

-

You know a lot about Koushi than even you yourself let on.

His favourite food is super spicy mapo tofu which makes everyone cry in despair but only a hint of red shows up at Koushi’s cheeks. He wears gym shoes with blue or green accents though that might only be him. He’s a Gemini, you’re not surprised about that, Koushi had always been gentle, affectionate and adaptable. More; he, along with Daichi and Asahi forms a set. His jersey number two is symbolic of his position as a setter, as setting is usually the second contact in volleyball.

That last one is slightly more significant than the rest.

Even more; Koushi in third year is gracious to his juniors, makes sacrifices that he knows is not for him but for the team. He is kind…sometimes too kind, but the first year, __Tobio__  is someone who knows he has a senior that is much more than a mere mentor. Koushi is Tobio’s guide and handler, even if he’s not the setter he is someone Tobio can go back to.

‘ _ _Sensei, I don’t play volleyball for merit,’__

The mole near his eyes crinkles when the smile reaches his eyes. Koushi does not want to have __any__ regrets in the future. He feels lonely sometimes, but he has you and his teammates.

Koushi in third year is balanced and truly happy. His teammates rely on him and he relies on them in turn.

Koushi in winter is __beautiful__. When he meets you at the rooftop the scarf he has wrapped around his neck tucks the gentle smile away, but it doesn’t matter since his hazel eyes shines with it. His grey hair sways in the wind, eclipsing the sun. Koushi in flight is __now__ , where he wants to be, in the volleyball team.

He takes your hand in his and finally, you could hear his heart beating in time with yours.

__Thump! Thump!_ _

__-FIN-_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Matcha here! If you liked this piece check out my [others](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatchaMochi/works)! and my [twitter](https://twitter.com/crazydurians) ! This short fic was inspired by my love for sugarwara koushi, haikyuu, and the songs 'September-san' by Aimer and 'I want to be your god' by Kanzaki Iori. More importantly! This was also a gift for my friend who has stuck with me for this long, yes we both love koushi very much. Anyways, kudos and comments and critisms are welcome, alas bitingly rude ones are not! Have a nice day!


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